The End

You know, I’d completely forgotten about this blog. I don’t remember why I stopped posting, although it probably had something to do with the fact I began a daily journal; doing both must have seemed redundant. I don’t know if anyone is still following – five years is a long time, after all – but when I did remember about it, I realized I’d kind of left the few readers I had hanging.

This will likely be the last post I ever make here, but I guess I should give you, whoever is left out there, an update. Things have changed in my life. A LOT.

I could go on about my two adorable red-headed grandchildren (one of which has been diagnosed with non-verbal autism), or my eldest son’s struggle with alcohol, or my youngest son coming out as gay (I was the least surprised person on the planet), or any number of other things, but I guess the most relevant is, yes, I finally left my alcoholic husband.

We did take the luxury cruise in February 2017, and I didn’t necessarily enjoy it. It was basically 12 days at sea watching the husband drink. We couldn’t afford to go on many excursions, you see (of the 10 days we were at a port, we went on 2), but we could afford $1,200 for unlimited alcohol. When he realized none of the bars opened until 10:30 AM every day and he couldn’t get a drink before then, he made it a point to stop by one of the many bars on our way back to our stateroom and get two triple scotches: one to drink before bed, and the other so he’d have something to drink in the morning. I gotta tell ya – buyer’s remorse is a very real thing, even with luxury cruises.

And that’s the highlight of 2017.

By March 2018, even he couldn’t ignore that our marriage was on life support so we sought marriage counseling. For exactly 5 weeks. I barely spoke, he aired his grievances, and when he was done, he saw no reason to continue. Not too long after that, one of our employees came into my office, leaned up against my desk, and said, “You realize he’s a narcissist, right?”

It was like the first piece in one of those elaborate domino patterns had been tipped over and everything just started to fall into place. My husband had been right all along: his alcoholism wasn’t the only problem, or even the biggest one. I immediately began to research Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and if there was ever a case of a classic, overt narcissist, well, I was sleeping next to one every night. It also turns out that personality disorders and alcoholism/drug abuse often go hand-in-hand, and the more I read, the more sense it all made.

At the end of June, my eldest son had a crisis and we ended up driving to Dallas to rescue him and bring him to Ohio. I’d been fomenting an exit strategy for some time, but the sheer hypocrisy of how my spouse reacted to my son’s problems with alcohol put my plans in high gear. On September 5, 2018 I was driving down a street about a mile from our house when I saw a small house for rent. I stopped, got the phone number off the sign, then snuck into the bathroom at the office to call.

I ended up leaving the office to go look at the place that afternoon. It was small (the kitchen in particular was just tiny, and there was only one bathroom), but it had central air and heat, a large back yard for Dixie, a garage for the car, a huge basement with washer/dryer connections, and 3 bedrooms, one of which took up the entire second floor. It wasn’t perfect, but it would work and I told the landlady I wanted it. We made arrangements for me to sign the lease and pay the deposit and first month’s rent the next day.

When I got back to the office, my husband wanted to know where I had gone, so I decided to be honest with him and told him I was looking at a rent house.

“You’re leaving me?” he asked.

“I am,” I replied. “You can’t be surprised.”

He was though, although I don’t know how. To make a long story short, I signed the lease the next day and was completely moved into the new house less than a week later. I took only my clothes and personal belongings, along with the furniture he allowed (which wasn’t much, and you can be damn sure he kept the liquor cabinet), and our 10-year-old car. The only other things I got were 39% of the equity in our house when it sold and $10,000 out of the business when he forced me out (another long story). And I almost didn’t get either of those.

In other words, I left my marriage and business with next to nothing, something I’d fully expected. Our divorce was final in December 2018 – he’s never been one to beat around the bush and I just wanted it over and done with.

He began looking for my replacement the day I told him I was leaving. Two weeks later, he was banging said replacement and less than two months later he was throwing their relationship all over Facebook, before we’d even told anyone other than our immediate families we were getting divorced. I think they’re living together now, but I don’t know for certain; we haven’t seen or spoken to each other since he forced me out of the company two years ago this month.

As for me, I’m doing okay. I have a job I really enjoy, and while the pay is much, much less than our combined income, the benefits are stellar and I’m getting by. I’ve spent much of the last 3 years in therapy and have been diagnosed with an anxiety/panic disorder and C-PTSD and am on an antidepressant. I’ve lost 30 pounds (without even trying), and am focusing on my mental and physical well-being for the first time in a very long time.

I haven’t dated, and don’t plan to for at least awhile longer. I just feel like I have too much to work through before I can give my attention to another partner. I’m not just sitting at home alone, though – besides work and babysitting the grandkids, I get out quite a bit, especially now the pandemic restrictions have been lifted here in Ohio and we’re able to get out and about again. I go to restaurants, visit friends, go to shows and concerts (I’m going to see the Doobie Brothers in October), museums and art galleries, attend craft and painting classes and generally keep busy.

I’m doing okay – it may not be ever after, but I’m finally living happily.